Nine rules for your first days in student halls

It’s almost three years ago to the day that I moved into my university halls of residence, and it remains one of the most stressful things I’ve ever done.

It wasn’t the (admittedly strenuous) early-morning move from the Isle of Man that made it so tough, but the anxiety that came after. Meeting the strangers that you have committed to live with is often strained, awkward and a bit weird for everyone involved. Here are some golden rules to help you through those jittery first days.

1. Don’t harangue your new housemates

It’s easy, in eagerness to match profile pictures with real faces and get introductions out of the way, to hover on move-in day, especially if you arrived first. But there’s no need to bond with each new flatmate the second they cross the threshold. The last thing anyone with a pile of boxes in their arms needs is to be quizzed about what course they’re on or whether they’ve brought a kettle.

2. Keep conversation casual

First day small-talk should be as banal as possible without sending anyone to sleep. Good topics of conversation might include where they are from, whether they like Game of Thrones, or how many shots of own-brand vodka they can do while standing on one leg. Less good: asking them to proofread the cleaning rota you have been working on all summer.

3. Be a social butterfly

When the time is finally right, the best way to manage that panic about befriending everyone is probably to do exactly that – instead of boxing yourself off with the first two or three people you speak to or get along with, give each person in your flat some of your time and attention.

You’ll find yourself putting on that polite voice you use for family friends and formal occasions, and the whole experience will probably feel a bit like one of those strange mingle exercises you did in GCSE French (“Write down the name of someone who has une soeur.”) but you didn’t come to university for an easy ride – so suck it up and turn on the charm.

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Conversation about house administration can wait until at least week two. Photograph: Getty Images

4. Don’t fear missing out

I arrived later than most on the first day and was immediately paranoid that I’d missed out on a first flat get-together (this wasn’t the case, and even if it were it isn’t worth stressing about – you’ve got a whole year ahead with these people). Be relaxed and patient: like hunter-gathering or procreation, congregating to talk about accents and A-levels on the first night of freshers’ week is basic human instinct.

5. Things go wrong. Don’t panic and ask for help

If you turn up and someone’s already moved into your room, or you’ve been missed off a list, or your key doesn’t work, don’t panic. Universities are usually very thorough on move-in day logistics - but with such huge administrative challenges, mistakes do happen.

There’s a lot of pressure on freshers’ week to be the most fun you’ve ever had from the get-go, but the reality is that most experiences are a mixed bag, with a measure of homesickness thrown in with the good bits. Freshers’ week was far from the most enjoyable time I had in first year; that definitely came later, once my flatmates and I knew each other and were genuinely comfortable around one another.

6. Never, ever, leave a pan ‘to soak’

Wars have been fought over less. A messy kitchen is inevitably the source of a first breakdown in those manically friendly first-term relations. Do you know what’s easier than trying to hide used plates inside an art project? Cleaning them.

7. Keep an open mind

It’s unlikely that those you get put with in halls will be the people with which you have the most in common – you’ll often find these on your course or in societies – but even those with massively different backgrounds or interests may become very important people in your life.

I lived happily with a group of my initial flatmates throughout the course of my three year degree because we all did different courses, lived by different schedules and led very different lives. And while I’d never encourage you to forge a close friendship with all the kitchen appliances, a toaster and blender pay for themselves in cheerful small-talk.

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8. Stay busy

Drinking games and clubbing with a group of people you’ve just met can be the last thing you want to do after a day spent travelling and hauling around luggage – and it’s probably doubly true if you don’t drink. But forcing yourself along to events and socials will probably see you come away with a few new friends, fewer inhibitions and a stolen foam finger.

9. Be a team player

Are you getting signs that your next-door neighbour in the throes of an all-consuming, all-abusing hangover? Help them out, with water, vitamins, carbs or a mop. Tomorrow it’ll be you.